How to Begin Planning for a Destination Wedding

Where to Start When Planning a Destination Wedding (From Someone Who’s Done It)

A Simple, Stress-Free Place to Begin

Getting engaged is one of those moments that feels both exhilarating and disorienting.

One minute you’re floating, calling family, replaying the proposal, staring at your ring in every light. The next, you’re staring at an endless list of decisions wondering how something so meaningful turned into something so…loud.

If you’re planning a destination wedding – or even just a wedding that doesn’t follow a traditional mold – it’s easy to feel stuck before you’ve even started.

I know that feeling well.

My husband and I planned our own destination wedding in the Scottish Highlands, and while it was deeply intentional and beautiful, it also taught me something important: you don’t need a full plan to begin. You just need clarity.

All of our photos are done by the talented and remarkably Katy & Jim of The Caryls. One of the biggest blessings we found in our planning process!

Step One: Decide Where You Want to Get Married, Who You Want There, and When

Before venues, vendors, timelines, or decor, my husband and I asked ourselves two questions:

1. Where do we want to get married? (Consider the setting you’re drawn to – mountains, lakes, coastlines, historic spaces, or somewhere meaningful to you.)
2. Do we want guests there, or something more intimate?
   

Those two answers shaped everything else.

Once we knew early on was that we wanted to be married outdoors in the Highlands – rain or shine (though I was praying for a foggy rain!) – and that we wanted a small group of people we cherish and deeply love present…the noise quieted. We weren’t trying to plan every type of wedding. We were planning our wedding.

And with that, while location and guest count create the foundation, timing shapes the experience.

For us, choosing when to get married mattered just as much as where. We originally imagined a fall wedding in Scotland, but we realized pushing our date to May would give us more time & peace in the planning process…and a quieter experience overall. May is a shoulder season there – before the crowds arrive, before brighter summer weather takes over, and May has longer evenings as the sun begins to set later. We hoped for fog and rain, and we chose our date based on when our photographers were available. (Because we connected so much with Katy & Jim…and their work speaks for itself does it not?)

BIG TIP: From both personal and professional experience, I strongly recommend considering a weekday for a destination wedding – especially in national parks or public locations. Weekdays often mean fewer crowds, more flexibility, and a day that feels more intimate and unrushed.

Step Two: Choose What Truly Matters to You

Next, we each chose two to three things that mattered most to us – areas we were willing to spend more intention, energy, and money on.

For me, it was photography (shocker!), my dress, and my bouquet. Photography took up the largest portion of our budget, and the other two? I found exactly what I wanted for a beautiful price because I knew what I was looking for and I took the time to really find it. (this was later on in the planning process) My dress I ordered online from Mila Bridal…100% recommend. (the online part was intimidating, but she made it perfectly tailored to me and it was GORGEOUS)

The First Thing We Officially Booked…Our Photographers!

We also chose to invest a large portion of our wedding budget in photography, and that decision shaped our entire experience into such a remarkable one. More than beautiful images, we wanted photographers we genuinely connected with. People who felt steady, prepared, and deeply familiar with what it means to photograph an intimate elopement in Scotland.

I looked for a style I was drawn to – moody and cinematic, candid rather than posed, with an emphasis on landscape. But just as important was knowing they had real elopement and destination experience: someone comfortable navigating locations, light, timelines, and the unexpected. Someone who could help us plan, not just show up and document.

That support mattered more than we realized at the time. Our photographers helped guide location ideas, pacing for the day, and how to build a timeline that left room to breathe. Katy & Jim weren’t just vendors – they were part of the foundation of the day. Quite frankly, our wedding day wouldn’t have been as remarkable as it was without them.

When you’re planning a destination or intimate wedding, your photographer often becomes one of your most trusted resources. Choosing someone whose work you love and whose presence feels grounding can make the entire process feel lighter and more intentional.

One thing that surprised me was how much easier planning became once we leaned on trusted recommendations. Our photographers shared a list of location ideas for our ceremony and further recommended a makeup artist and florist – people whose work they already knew and admired. Those connections removed so much guesswork. When you find a photographer or planner you truly connect with, we often have a network of vendors whose work aligns with ours and can help you out!

Instead of searching endlessly, focus on noticing what you’re drawn to – certain colors, textures, moods, or overall styles. Share those preferences with your photographer or planner, and let them help guide you toward vendors who already understand that language.

My bouquet was from Wild Gorse Studio and my hair makeup was done by Gosia Weiss – who was one of my favorite aspects on my wedding day – she was a delight!

Step Three: Think in Moments, Not Traditions

Once we had a direction, I stopped asking, “What are you supposed to do on a wedding day?” and started asking, “How do I want this day to feel?”

We knew we wanted to be outside in the Highlands no matter the weather. In fact, I was quietly hoping for fog and rain – because well…it’s THE Scottish Highlands!

Our day unfolded like this:

• We had breakfast together that morning.
• We got ready separately – writing vows, getting dressed & inviting loved ones to help, taking quiet time.
• We shared a private first look and read our vows to each other, just us.
• We drove to our ceremony spot by a lake.
• I had a first look with my dad before he walked me down.
• We held a simple handfasting ceremony with vows, rings, prayer, and presence.
• After family photos, we spent the rest of the day exploring the Highlands with our photographer and videographer.
• That evening, we had dinner together and returned to our Airbnb – just us.

Our celebration with guests happened the next day, closer to town. (We were up if the VERY high part of the highlands 😉 so there wasn’t much around and we didn’t want to spend hours in the car driving around on our wedding day.)

There was no rush. No performance. Just space.

It was perfect.

Questions to Help You Shape Your Own Day

If you’re early in the planning process, instead of building a timeline right away, try sitting with these questions:

• Do you want to have breakfast together the morning of your wedding?
• Do you want to get ready together or separately?
• Would you like a first look, or do you want to wait until the ceremony?
• Are there meaningful ways you want to include guests – or moments you want just for the two of you?
• Would you prefer your ceremony at your Airbnb or a nearby location? How do you picture it?
• How much time do you want set aside just to be together and take photos?
• What does “reception” mean to you – dinner, cake, toasts, dancing, or something simpler?
• Would you prefer to move locations throughout the day or stay rooted in one place?
• How do you want to feel when you look back on this day five or ten years from now?

There are no wrong answers!

Step Four: Choose Your Values

One of the best things we did together was to choose three words to guide our decisions.

Not a theme. Not a color palette.
Just values.

We chose three words/values we wanted our wedding day to feel like – not just look like. For us they were:

Intentional.
Present.
Embrace the elements.

Whenever we felt unsure about a decision – timeline, location, guest involvement, or even weather – we returned to those words. They helped us filter what mattered and let go of what didn’t. If a choice supported those values, it belonged. If it didn’t, we released it without guilt.

Choosing values also gave us permission to do things differently. To slow down. To prioritize time together. To welcome fog, wind, or rain as part of the story instead of something to fix. Our day didn’t need to be controlled – it needed to be lived.

If you’re planning a destination or intimate wedding, I encourage you to choose two or three words that feel true to you as a couple. Maybe they’re peaceful, connected, adventurous. Maybe they’re joyful, connected, simple. There’s no right answer – only what reflects your relationship and the season you’re in.

Let those words guide your decisions. They’ll quietly shape everything.

Step Five: Understand the Logistics (Without Letting Them Steal Your Joy)

For many couples, this is where planning starts to feel intimidating – not because it’s impossible, but because it’s unfamiliar.

Permits. Marriage licenses. Travel distances. Weather. Rules you didn’t even know existed until you started looking things up.

Here’s the reassuring truth: you don’t need to have all of this figured out right away. And you don’t need to figure it out alone. (aka photographers and planners can help with this too!)

When you’re planning a destination or intimate wedding, logistics matter, but they’re meant to support the day, not overshadow it. This step is less about mastering every detail and more about understanding what kinds of things will eventually need attention, and who can help guide you through them.

Some of the logistical pieces that often come up include:

• Whether your ceremony location requires a permit or permission
• Legal requirements for getting married in a specific state or country
• Travel time between locations and how that affects your timeline
• Accessibility for you and any guests you’re including
• Seasonal weather patterns and how they shape the day

This is where having experienced vendors – especially a photographer or planner familiar with destination and elopement-style weddings – becomes invaluable. These are people who’ve navigated these details before. They know what questions to ask, what to look out for, and how to adapt when plans need to shift.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s peace of mind.

Pictures from our Fujifilm Quicksnap Film Camera

One example of this for us was the legal side of getting married. Because there were more hoops to jump through to be legally married in Scotland, we chose to take care of the legal paperwork at a courthouse in the U.S. before we left. That decision gave us freedom. It meant our ceremony in the Highlands could be fully focused on meaning rather than legality.

It also allowed us to have my father-in-law guide our ceremony – someone who knew us deeply and could speak into our marriage in a way that was personal and intentional. That choice mattered to us far more than checking a formal box, and it made the ceremony feel personal, grounded, and true to who we are. (this was one of my husbands priorities…like mentioned above in Step Two 😉 )

Step Six: Consider the Guest Experience (If You’re Including Guests)

When you’re planning a destination or intimate wedding, it’s natural to feel a quiet tension around your guests. You want them to feel cared for, but you also don’t want the day to stop feeling like yours.

The good news is this: caring for your guests doesn’t mean entertaining them every moment.

Often, the most meaningful thing you can offer is clarity. Clear communication about where to be, what to expect, and what truly matters. When guests understand the heart behind your choices, they tend to step into the day with support rather than expectation.

As you think about including guests, consider questions like:

• How many people feel supportive and grounding to have present?
• What information will help guests feel prepared without overloading them?
• Are there simple ways to gather everyone together – shared lodging, a meal, or a walk – without building a full schedule?
• Would you prefer to celebrate with guests on a separate day, allowing your wedding day itself to stay quieter?

An intimate destination wedding isn’t about hosting – it’s about inviting. Inviting people into a meaningful moment, not asking them to be entertained. Simpler plans often create deeper connection, both for you and for the people you love.

By setting gentle boundaries and clear expectations, you create an experience that feels thoughtful without becoming overwhelming. And in doing so, you protect what matters most: presence, connection, and the freedom to fully live your day.

For us, caring for our guests looked like clarity. We were in Scotland for a full week before the wedding with loved ones, and I put together a simple itinerary for that time – sharing where we planned to be and roughly when. Nothing was mandatory. It was simply an invitation as we explored all over the Scottish Highlands. Those who wanted to join in could, and those who needed rest or space were free to do their own thing.

For our wedding day I did something similar to this as well. I created a clear schedule and shared the few moments when people needed to be somewhere at a specific time. Everything else was open and relaxed. That clarity removed uncertainty for our guests and allowed the day to unfold without constant questions or confusion.

If creating schedules and itineraries brings you joy, this can be a beautiful way to care for the people you love. And if it’s not your strength, that’s okay too.

Another thing that mattered to me was guest attire on our wedding day. This may come from being a wedding photographer for over ten years, 😉 but I cared deeply about the photos feeling cohesive and timeless. I didn’t want bright colors or bold patterns pulling attention away from the Scottish Highlands themselves.

To help with that, I shared a simple color palette with our guests. There are so many great examples of these on Pinterest – I found one that fit our vision and passed it along. Beyond that, guests had complete freedom to choose what they wore and where they shopped, as long as it fit within the palette.

It ended up being an easy way to create visual harmony without being restrictive – and it allowed the landscape to remain the focus!

The heart of this step isn’t perfection or piling work on your plate – it’s communication. Clear, thoughtful information helps guests feel supported while still allowing your day to remain spacious and unhurried.

Step Seven: Protect Space in Your Day

One of the most overlooked parts of planning a destination or intimate wedding is how much space you allow yourself.

Space to linger.
Space to breathe.
Space to actually be together.

When timelines get too tight, even the most beautiful places can start to feel rushed. Couples often remember the moments they didn’t have time for more than the ones they did. That’s why building in margin – extra time with no agenda – isn’t indulgent. It’s essential.

For us, protecting space meant choosing fewer locations, allowing extra travel time, and not packing the day with constant movement. It meant lingering after the ceremony instead of rushing to the next thing. It meant spending hours simply exploring the Highlands together, letting the day unfold rather than forcing it forward.

That space changed everything.

It allowed our emotions to settle. It gave room for laughter, quiet, reflection, and spontaneity. It also created images that felt honest – because nothing was being hurried or staged.

Even in the rain, the wind, and the mud…we went with it all and it was remarkable.

This is another place where your photographer can play a huge role. A photographer experienced with destination and elopement-style weddings will help you build a timeline that protects these pockets of stillness. They’ll work with you on when to slow things down, when to let moments stretch, and when to gently guide without interrupting the experience.

If you take nothing else from this step, let it be this: you are allowed to slow down. You don’t need to fill every minute. Often, the most meaningful moments happen in the spaces between.

Step Eight: Release the Pressure to Make It Look a Certain Way

As we wrap things up here, I have to touch on this. At some point in the planning process, many couples realize they’re not just making decisions – they’re carrying expectations. Expectations from family. From social media. From what a wedding is “supposed” to look like.

A destination wedding invites you to set some of that down.

Your day doesn’t need to perform. It doesn’t need to follow a script or meet an invisible standard. It doesn’t need to look like the weddings you’ve seen online to be meaningful.

Some of the most beautiful destination weddings I’ve witnessed are the quiet ones. The ones where the focus shifts away from appearances and toward presence. Where the day unfolds naturally, shaped by weather, nature, and connection rather than perfection.

It’s okay if your timeline looks different.
It’s okay if your ceremony is short.
It’s okay if you skip things that never felt like you.

What matters most is that the day reflects your relationship – your rhythms, your values, your way of being together.

When you release the pressure to make it look a certain way, you create space for something better: honesty. Ease. Meaning. Memories that feel real because they were lived, not managed.

Let your wedding be a reflection of who you are, not a performance of what’s expected.

Final Thoughts

What You Don’t Need to Decide Yet

When you’re newly engaged, especially when planning a destination wedding, it can feel like every decision needs to be made immediately. But the truth is, many of the details couples stress over early on don’t need answers right away.

If you’re just beginning, it’s okay to set some things down for now.

You don’t need to decide:

• Your exact wedding day timeline
• Every location you’ll visit on the day
• Final guest counts
• Decor details or design elements
• Your exact outfits or accessories
• What the weather backup plan looks like
• How the day will photograph

Those pieces come later, often naturally, once you’ve chosen your location, your priorities, and the people supporting you.

Early planning is about direction, not detail. Some of the best wedding days are built gradually.

A Simple Way to Begin

All we talked about above? Here it is in a short and condense list for you to take away!

1. Decide where you want to get married, who you want there, and when
   Choose your location, your guest list, and your date with intention – these decisions set the tone for everything that follows.
2. Choose what matters most to you as a couple
   Pick a few priorities you’re willing to invest in – emotionally and financially – and let the rest stay simple.
3. Think in moments, not traditions
   Instead of following a script, imagine how you want the day to feel from start to finish.
4. Choose a few values to guide your decisions
   Select two or three words that describe the heart of your day and return to them whenever you feel unsure.
5. Understand the logistics (with support)
   Permits, travel, and legal details matter, but you don’t have to navigate them alone or all at once.
6. Consider the guest experience – without overhosting
   Caring for guests looks like clarity and communication, not a packed schedule.
7. Protect space in your day
   Leave room to linger, breathe, and be together – this is where the most meaningful moments happen.
8. Release the pressure to make it look a certain way
   Your wedding doesn’t need to perform. Let it reflect who you are, not what’s expected.

Encouragement

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not behind. You’re just standing at the beginning of something meaningful.

Destination weddings don’t have to be complicated to be beautiful. They can be quiet. Spacious. Rooted. They can look nothing like what you’ve seen online – and everything like you could have dreamed.

Start with clarity. Build slowly. Let the day reflect who you are, not what’s expected.

And if you need someone to walk alongside you – helping you shape the day, not just document it – you don’t have to do that alone. I’d love to walk with you. 🙂

Looking for a Planner?

If you are looking for an incredible planner + stylist, I’ve worked with Emily at Emily Aitken Events on a handful of destination weddings and she is WONDERFUL! I couldn’t recommend her enough. She is kind, thoughtful, thorough, and she must have a magic touch because everything she does comes out so beautiful!

See What This Looked Like for Us

If you’re curious what all of this looked like in practice, I’ve shared our wedding film below. It captures our destination wedding in the Scottish Highlands – fog, rain, quiet moments, and the perfectly imperfectness of it all!

Our video was done by some of our very good friends, and my top recommend for wedding videography…Emi & Andrew of Prophetic Film House. We never get tired of watching this.

We are so thankful for our incredible vendor team during our Scotland destination wedding: